The enormous queue!!!!!!!

Posted by niamhm2016 on Thursday Jan 14, 2016 Under 100 word challenge, 100wc, Wootton

As I joined the queue….I could see that it was so long it went all the way out the door!the people at the back looked so grumpy about it. Maybe I should of gone to the back,but I didn’t … I couldn’t. I felt a little bit guilty because I didn’t earn that spot I just got in the line with my friend. If I went to the back. If I was fair. If I didn’t push in. Then none of this would of happened. All I know is my friend called me over. I can’t be blamed!

                                                          The end 

3 Responses to “The enormous queue!!!!!!!”

  1. MrCrilly Says:

    This is a fantastic introduction to something really exciting. I can already feel the tension building inside me from the sentences that you have carefully crafted together.

    EBI: Could you double check that you have punctuated your sentences properly? How could you use some of the techniques you have practised for developing characters?


  2. ciarah2016 Says:

    I think that your story is very interesting but you could improve on your vocabulary.

    Well done Niamh.


  3. rebeccam2016 Says:

    I like the use of ellipsis and the cliffhanger at the end. Make sure you use a capital letter for ‘the’ after the exclamation mark on the first sentence.


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