The evil realm

Posted by taray2016 on Thursday Jan 14, 2016 Under 100 word challenge, 100wc

As I joined the queue my friend Shannon  stood next to me to buy some sweets,it was a long wait but when me and Shannon touched the sweets they went to sweet land and in sweet land their were candy canes and marshmallows but in a dark place their was a big bad alagator  with eyes as black as night and a body as green as a bogey and in sweet land their was a legend saying that if anyone went near that place you would get very very very sick but me and Shannon just did it anyway…

 

2 Responses to “The evil realm”

  1. MrCrilly Says:

    I won’t touch sweets again!

    EBI: I think you need to punctuate your paragraph in order for it to make sense. Think about where you need to put full stops and commas.

      

  2. rhiannar2016 Says:

    I enjoyed your story except I think you could of used more description.

      

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